I’m at Deb’s house. Me, Edie, Deb – and I forget Deb’s lover’s name, but she was there too.
Deb and her lover rented this 3-story apartment, take the top floor, and its rickety flooring, on a walk-up, no elevator, apartment in Old Kinderhook, New York. “OK” is what Martin Van Buren called it. You remember him, right? He was our eighth US President. Martin resided in Old Kinderhook and used to say on his return from any one of his travels, “Everything is OK in Old Kinderhook.” Now this town was old. Think of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Irving that was – and I think still is, a spooky old tale. That’s where the Headless Horsemen came in, spooky stuff! Picture Old Kinderhook with its low, dense hanging trees, its dark, wooden roads, and homes set off near to old cemeteries, the wind banking off the Hudson River, puts a chill through your bones, and now twilight, it’s approaching Halloween.
My girlfriend Edie and I are drunk and staying the night at Deb’s. After shots, booze – they did pot, I didn’t; pizza, appetizers, more booze, more pot, Edie and I retire to one of the spare bedrooms. This is the one set up for guests (I could tell). The adjoining wall is brick and runs clearly up to another draft way to the attic, you could see the lathe work in the ceiling. The room was barely lit by an old lamp that probably held a 25-watt bulb. The sheer curtains had some wear, and the bed, cornered under the window at the rear, sat adjacent to the outside porch. The room was musty from little use.
“Let’s open the window,” I say, “let’s get some air in here.”
Edie, tough as nails, Edie, and never afraid of too much, tells me, “I bet they’re painted shut.”
“Let me try.” I pushed and pulled up and down, in and out, giving heave, letting go, and still, after several attempts, my defeat was obvious.
“I told ya’.” She attempts the window, determined to force a win, she pushes the curtains aside, and, suddenly, without warning, so unexpectedly, a large, winged object circled the room, dipping and darting, nearly missing my head, I had to duck. Edie made a run for the door.
I yelled to her, “Where are you going?!” the door slammed shut, only to hear her response from the other side: “You have a bat in there!”
With this commotion, Deb and her lover are awakened by the noise. I could just picture them, all standing behind Edie on the opposite side, while I’m still in the room with the bat now doing bomb dives.
I’m pulling on the door, but there’s a pull in the opposite direction.
“Open the door” I yell, “let me out! “I’m going to kill all of you when I get out of here!”
Giggling.
Finally, a voice from the other side says, “We’re gonna’ help you, hang on!” It’s Deb.
She better do something, I’m thinking, after all, I’m a guest! “You live in the country! I’m from the city!”
The bat wasn’t flying anymore, thank God! He must’ve’ realized that it was futile to continue flying in circles in such a small room and was saving his energy. He landed back in retreat of the curtains.
Slowly the door opened, and I could see all three faces, but no! After Deb throws in the tennis racket, they closed the door again!
The bat starts flying again, and in response, now I’m hitting the air with the tennis racket. On the other side of the door, I hear them howling with laughter.
“I’m from Brooklyn,” I tell them, “you’re the ones who grew up on farms, how could you do this to me! I’ve never seen a bat in my life!” and with that, with that last final cry, my aim was true. The bat was kaput, slapped in the head with the racket, never to be heard or seen again.
“Open the door!” I screamed ‘the fucking bat is dead!”
Slowly, the door opens, and I look at all three. They are bending over with laughter: Deb’s lover’s eyes were tearing; Edie was banging the wall with uncontrolled laughter, and Deb was stuttering, trying to get the right words out.
“Fuck you!” I scream. “You go pick up the bat. I am NOT sleeping in there!”
More laughter.
It was unbelievable. A true story. I don’t even think I ever played tennis after that. That night, it was not OK in Old Kinderhook.
A Hardscrabble Daughter 